Goals and pushing on

     (*I originally jotted my notes down a week or two ago but have not published it until now, so those that know me may know that some of this time frame is wrong, this is why*)

     So I made my first goal of 10kg by the time we went on holidays in mid December, and it was really nice to feel a bit more confidence in myself. It was funny when I look back - people were probably thinking "OMG - look at the fat girl in all her glory!", they didn't know that I had lost 10kg and was starting to feel better about myself! And it's not like I was flaunting myself in a bikini! (I know, I know, people probably weren't really looking at me and thinking anything, but overweight people that are uncomfortable with themselves ALWAYS think someone is looking and judging them) We were able to keep eating good food while we were away as we cooked for ourselves, but the few too many bottles of wine was what I was more worried about with my weight.
     I was pleasantly surprised to find after our trip that I still weighed the same! I had maintained what I had lost, now to deal with Christmas! It was rough to be honest, we raced back from our holiday as my husband's grandfather was ill in hospital and we didn't know how much time he had left. We spent most afternoons and evenings at the hospital with Pop, and eventually passed away a few days later on our daughter's 5th birthday - 2 days before Christmas.
     Christmas is a time for family, and even more so this year, but understandably we weren't in an overly festive mood. Sure we still had the trimmings, but none of us went overboard with the food preparations and cooking like we usually do, so thankfully (back to me) I still maintained my weight. For me, that was a really big deal, I have never been able to easily maintain my weight, but I guess now, in the right head-space, I am more conscious of it, so I try much harder to eat better and eat less.
     I set my next goal to lose another 10kg by the end of March. Again, if I don't quite make it, I will still be happy with myself and my progress, but that is my next aim. Right now I am at a smidge under 15kg lost and that gives me about 6 weeks to lose the other 5kg.
     Now that our son is back at school and our daughter has started Kindergarten, hubby and I have decided to join the local gym and go at least once a week. We went last week and for me it was the first time in 6 years! I didn't go out of my way to kill myself, but I think I worked pretty hard! After an hour in the gym we spent 30 minutes in the pool and doing some laps and different water exercises. We have been walking the dog down to the local football field and once there I do a couple of laps with a very brisk walk and several bursts of jogging or as much as I can stand. I will build it up to over time of course, but for now it's a start.
     Oh, on that note I must tell you - up until now, I have done barely any exercise. Sure a little at work in the privacy of my room when it's really quiet, or some time on the Wii fit, but ultimately, I have lost 13-14kg with no exercise and simply changing my diet. Kinda shows how much crap I was eating doesn't it??!!
     An example of a day of food for me before I changed my eating habits (I refuse to call i a diet, the first three letters in diet are D-I-E and that is what has always happened when I have gone on a diet - the diet has died.):

Breakfast - 2 pop tarts, cup of coffee, 2 choc chip biscuits.

Lunch - Whatever. Sometimes I would come home and have a big bowl of                     leftovers and generally that would be followed by a bag of potato chips.             The WHOLE bag. And I am not talking a little snack pack, I am talking               the 175-200g bag!
Dinner - A plate FULL of food. Either a big bowl of pasta or a hunk of meat and a             mound of potato bake, or a big roast with loads of potatoes and gravy.
     And usually always something for dessert!
     This is how I lived every day!! No wonder I felt like crap - it makes me feel sick just thinking about it! Now if I eat much crap I feel bloated and my stomach churns and makes a lot of noise... Is that what I felt like all the time??!
     I think for me setting small goals of blocks of 10kg losses is better. It's still a huge thing, but it is within reach, it isn't as untouchable as announcing "I am going to lose 50kg in 12 months!!" At least with smaller goals it feels more achievable and I can reassess it as I need to. I feel that for me, if I put an absolute figure on what I hope to lose in total over a certain time frame, I would be setting myself up for failure.
     I think we also need to think more about how much weight we actually lose when we do it, not just the number. You may try really hard over a month and be disappointed that you have "only" lost 1-2kg, but go into the supermarket and pick something up that weighs that much - it is substantial what you have lost!! That has just fallen off your body somewhere along the wayside!! I am stoked to be at almost 15kg, especially when I think how truly heavy that is. I still have a long way to go, but my confidence is coming back and I am starting to feel good about myself for the first time in a very long time :)