Mind games

     The next morning I woke up, and I wasn't hungry! Usually my stomach wakes up before I do and is rearing to go so I was surprised when it was unusually quiet.
     I made my coffee and piece of toast and small bowl of fruit salad. I remember the first taste of the ricotta in the fruit. I screwed my nose up. My reaction to the cottage cheese on toast was the same. After a few bites of each it wasn't so bad, and the thought of how much better for me this was than poptarts and a couple of biscuits for breakfast helped me to begin to enjoy the texture and the taste. Sounds like I was a baby eating for the first time, and I suppose in a way I was. I was learning to eat again and trying to train my brain towards a better way to process my thoughts of eating and food.
     I prepared a very small container of soya chips to take with me to work (I only work 4 hours a day) and made sure I grabbed a bottle of water.
     About halfway through the morning while I was quiet at work, the mind games started. I truly believe that if you have never been overweight you may not have experienced this, but I could be wrong.
     "Have something to eat."
     "No I am not hungry."
     "That doesn't matter, eat something."
     "I do not need to eat right now."
     "But you are just sitting here, bored. EAT!"
     "NO!"
     I started to experience this quite a lot, more often when I was sitting and doing nothing or just watching TV.
     "EAT!"
     "No I don't need to."
     "Just get that bag of chips and have some."
     "No thank you."
     "Go on! There are your favourite!! Have some!"
     I started to get good at blocking out the voices in my head that were willing me to eat and truly after that first day, I didn't crave food constantly. I was in the right frame of mind.
     At the end of the first week I had lost a bit over a kilogram and I was pumped. I set a goal for myself to lose 10kg by the time we were going on holidays which was 17th December. I figured that was reasonable enough, it gave me about 11 weeks or so to lose that weight, but if I only made it to 7 or 8kg, I would still be happy with myself. I made my first goal with about a week and a half to spare - the next hard thing would be keeping it off over Christmas!!
     The next battle with my mind was to eat slower. So many things I have read suggest that you should chew your food 20 times before swallowing. When you consciously try to do it, it's hard! I usually get about halfway through a meal before I remember to do it, but chewing that extra bit does help you feel full quicker! It is apparently proven that it takes your brain 10 minutes to tell your stomach that it is full, therefore by chewing your food up better and eating slower you are not only aiding your digestion, but giving your brain a chance to get in before you bust. Well that's how I see it anyway. Consciously try to do it next time you eat and see how many times you chew each mouthful.
     My most recent mind battle has been stopping eating at the end of a meal. I know that sounds odd because you would think that would be one of the first things, especially when reducing portion size. It kind of feels like I have gone backwards a little, but I guess it's just another way my brain is still playing with me, especially as it goes against what I learned from the second mind game I mentioned. I honestly hadn't noticed until the last couple of weeks - I eat my meal, finish, put down my knife and fork and immediately think "Mmmm! That was yummy! I want a bit more, I am still hungry!" And yes, at the time all of those thoughts may be true, but by eating that little bit more, I end up feeling full and bloated and yuck because I haven't let my brain do the right thing and tell me I am already full. Now if at the end of a meal I still want more, I tell myself to wait ten minutes, then if I am still wanting more I can have a little extra. Since doing that I have not gone back for more yet.
     Proof that yes, the mind works in mysterious ways!