It would appear that I may have jinxed myself about not having any health problems. I spoke to my Doctor the other week about having some blood tests done - it has been a long while since I have had any, and with such a lifestyle change I wanted to make sure everything is where it should be.
My vitamin D came back low as I knew it would, I am already taking medication for that, but not as often as I should. She roused on me "You must take your medication or it could lead to osteo! You don't want that!" She said. I also found out that my iron levels are low. They are sitting at 9. That's not too low, but low enough to be a problem, and it would certainly explain why I am feeling tired a lot of the time. With a history of bowel cancer in my family my Doctor wants to check a few different things and has asked me to take some iron supplements, so we'll see where we go from there.
I have also just had a tooth pulled with more work to follow over the coming months, and a small lump on my leg that while the Doctor doesn't think it is a problem, I may opt to have it cut out. I feel very mixed about it all. I pull out these different pills I have to take at different times of the day - vitamin D when required, iron tablet, multivitamin, anti-biotic for the lack of tooth, something for the pain for the lack of tooth when required, plus whatever else - I feel like a stereotypical old lady who needs a Webster pack, like I am suddenly falling apart afer all these years of having no problems. But on the flipside, and a much better way of looking at it, I feel like I am repairing some of the various bits of damage that have been done over time on this path to helping to create a new me. That is how I am going to look at it.
To top it off, my weight appears to have stalled a bit. That sucks being so close to a goal, yet I am so darn stuck that my weight won't move. I am not doing anything differently with my food, so I believe that maybe part of it is some muscle buildup through excercising at the gym. I feel great, I am still noticing some difference in my clothes and my measurements, so will have to go off that - as long as there is still a difference somewhere, I am happy.
I don't think that at this point now I could quit anyway to be honest. I think I could be naughty if I really wanted to - raid the cupboard and go on a massive binge - but I don't want to blow what I have achieved, and even if I did have that binge, I would feel so guilty, I really don't believe that I could go back to that place I was once in. I couldn't. I would be disappointed in myself and would feel like I had let my friends and family down. I am NOT going back there.
I guess it's a bit like being a reformed smoker - you look at someone and feel bad for them with what they are doing. You want to tell them to "stop, you will feel so much better. I stopped and I feel great!!! You will feel so much better if you quit!" I am starting to feel that way with people and with food. I am by no means "skinny" or "cured", but I have to admit when I am out now I notice things and people that I have never noticed before. For example, I was having lunch with my son in a shopping centre the other day and a few tables away from us was a very overweight man and an overweight girl sitting together having lunch. As I slowly ate my food I watched him devour a doner kebab, bottle of coke and then a takeaway container full of Chinese food. Not long ago I wouldn't have battered an eyelid, I probably wouldn't have even noticed let alone felt anything. It's not my business to feel anything or think anything, but I did and it surprised me. I felt sorry for him. I felt bad for him. I wondered where he would be in 10 years time, if he would be the same or worse, or if he too would one day be able to change his life. It was wrong of me to think those things I guess, I was not judging him, but I suppose due to human nature, I unintentionally was.
So now I sit here at my desk wondering what is next for me. I am continuing on, don't you worry about that, but I guess sometimes these sorts of things make you reflect.
I have decided that whether or not I reach my goal, my next blog post should be around that time, so I will post some pics and some measurements and the like so you will know where I am and how I am doing.
Thank you for coming on my journey with me so far. It is nice to have someone to share my ramblings with xxx
Friday, 22 March 2013
Monday, 11 March 2013
What would YOU do?
Having my own epiphany made me snap into trying hard to change my life. It's not because I had health issues - I have always been healthy although I have always been overweight. I never missed much school as a child due to illness, as an adult I have not often been sick, and other than the depression I have certainly not been diagnosed with anything. Changing things was what I needed to do.
I said in an earlier entry that I still treat myself if I want something,my biggest thing that I can't go without right now is microwave popcorn - preferably cheese flavoured. I know it's not fantastic for me, but it has to be a bit better to indulge in this with my husband while watching TV than eating a whole bag of chicken potato chips to myself! That is the one thing that I am afraid could destroy my new lifestyle. My kryptonite if you will - chicken flavoured potato chips. Where possible I try not to even keep them in the house, unless it's as a treat for hubby and the kids. I am still worried that I would give in and have one little chip and I would be like a shark in a feeding frenzy. I really don't know if I could stop at just 1, sure at a party I could convince myself to behave and just have a little nibble, but at home I don't know if I could.
So this got me thinking - What do you eat a lot of that maybe you could cut out or substitute with something else? And more importantly - what would it take for you to have an epiphany and change your life? It may not be losing weight, it may be exercising more or drinking less or quitting smoking. What would it take for you to do it? Would it be a realisation that your sugars are too high and you are bordering on diabetes? The Doctor telling you that if you don't do something, you could die? Realising that if you don't change your life your kids could be growing up minus a parent? Or would it be as simple as standing buck naked in the bathroom and baring a lot more than just your soul to yourself like I did.
I still remember that night so clearly - just standing there, crying at what I had done to myself and what I had let myself become. It was hard enough to admit it to myself let alone my husband and then the nurse, and then to post it on the internet in a blog! Reliving all those emotions as I wrote it all down was hard, and I would cry as I re-read my notes to myself, but maybe that is another thing that has helped me stay focused.
I am certainly not there yet and don't profess to be, but it is nice to be slowly wrapping my head around things and know that my stomach is shrinking. There was an advert on TV the other night for a special KFC box - you get a burger or wrap, potato and gravy, chips and a wicked wing for $5. I said to my husband "Gees that looks good, but if I bought it I don't know if I would be able to eat it all..." A few months ago I would have gone in there and bought two of those deals just for me!
I guess it's all baby steps and bit by bit. You can't change the world in a day, but if you really want to and can persevere and be patient, you can certainly work on changing your life. But you are the only one that can do it.
My mother used to always tell me when I was a teenager "It's easier to lose the weight while you are young, it gets harder as you get older" but I wasn't ready to listen and I wasn't patient enough to try. Now we get these weight loss shows like Biggest Loser that shows dramatic and unrealistic changes that we as normal people in the real world could never achieve. Sure I cry along with everyone else and spit out words like "Amazing" and "Fantastic" only to read in magazines months later about the contestants current body battles because they couldn't keep up the lifestyle they were put into on the show. Oh yes, I have applied, I would have given it a good go and cried and thrown my guts up on national television, but it was not meant to be, and to be honest now, I am glad. I am happy to just potter along at my own pace doing what I am doing. Finally I have found something that I am enjoying and that is working for me. I am eating better food and less of it, yet I am rarely ever hungry. I used to get rough and pimply skin on my arms, but that has pretty much cleared up, leaving them smooth and as they should be. I have more of a jawline than I have in years, and even my enormous hooters have retreated a bit! So many more pros than cons for what I am doing, and because I am enjoying it so much I truly wonder how I didn't click into it a long time ago.
Oh yeah, that's right. My bloody mind wasn't ready. Thank goodness it is now :)
I said in an earlier entry that I still treat myself if I want something,my biggest thing that I can't go without right now is microwave popcorn - preferably cheese flavoured. I know it's not fantastic for me, but it has to be a bit better to indulge in this with my husband while watching TV than eating a whole bag of chicken potato chips to myself! That is the one thing that I am afraid could destroy my new lifestyle. My kryptonite if you will - chicken flavoured potato chips. Where possible I try not to even keep them in the house, unless it's as a treat for hubby and the kids. I am still worried that I would give in and have one little chip and I would be like a shark in a feeding frenzy. I really don't know if I could stop at just 1, sure at a party I could convince myself to behave and just have a little nibble, but at home I don't know if I could.
So this got me thinking - What do you eat a lot of that maybe you could cut out or substitute with something else? And more importantly - what would it take for you to have an epiphany and change your life? It may not be losing weight, it may be exercising more or drinking less or quitting smoking. What would it take for you to do it? Would it be a realisation that your sugars are too high and you are bordering on diabetes? The Doctor telling you that if you don't do something, you could die? Realising that if you don't change your life your kids could be growing up minus a parent? Or would it be as simple as standing buck naked in the bathroom and baring a lot more than just your soul to yourself like I did.
I still remember that night so clearly - just standing there, crying at what I had done to myself and what I had let myself become. It was hard enough to admit it to myself let alone my husband and then the nurse, and then to post it on the internet in a blog! Reliving all those emotions as I wrote it all down was hard, and I would cry as I re-read my notes to myself, but maybe that is another thing that has helped me stay focused.
I am certainly not there yet and don't profess to be, but it is nice to be slowly wrapping my head around things and know that my stomach is shrinking. There was an advert on TV the other night for a special KFC box - you get a burger or wrap, potato and gravy, chips and a wicked wing for $5. I said to my husband "Gees that looks good, but if I bought it I don't know if I would be able to eat it all..." A few months ago I would have gone in there and bought two of those deals just for me!
I guess it's all baby steps and bit by bit. You can't change the world in a day, but if you really want to and can persevere and be patient, you can certainly work on changing your life. But you are the only one that can do it.
My mother used to always tell me when I was a teenager "It's easier to lose the weight while you are young, it gets harder as you get older" but I wasn't ready to listen and I wasn't patient enough to try. Now we get these weight loss shows like Biggest Loser that shows dramatic and unrealistic changes that we as normal people in the real world could never achieve. Sure I cry along with everyone else and spit out words like "Amazing" and "Fantastic" only to read in magazines months later about the contestants current body battles because they couldn't keep up the lifestyle they were put into on the show. Oh yes, I have applied, I would have given it a good go and cried and thrown my guts up on national television, but it was not meant to be, and to be honest now, I am glad. I am happy to just potter along at my own pace doing what I am doing. Finally I have found something that I am enjoying and that is working for me. I am eating better food and less of it, yet I am rarely ever hungry. I used to get rough and pimply skin on my arms, but that has pretty much cleared up, leaving them smooth and as they should be. I have more of a jawline than I have in years, and even my enormous hooters have retreated a bit! So many more pros than cons for what I am doing, and because I am enjoying it so much I truly wonder how I didn't click into it a long time ago.
Oh yeah, that's right. My bloody mind wasn't ready. Thank goodness it is now :)
Sunday, 3 March 2013
The good and the bad.
Not every day is hunky dory. Some days are an extremely hard fight. I want to eat. Really eat. Gorge myself full of the crap that I used to eat all of the time, but somehow I don't. I will eat when this strikes, but will just have several small snacks throughout the day instead of an enormous binge. If I want chocolate, I will have chocolate - but I will just have one small piece rather than the whole block. It's all about self control I guess, and some days you've got it, some days you don't and you have to battle harder.
Last week was really hard for me, probably the worst I have had since I started this journey. Coming up to "that time of the month" and I was just down on everything. I look horrible. I want to eat. This isn't working. Why do I bother. I will just always be this fat, ugly and horrible.
STOP.
Think about what you have achieved so far, 14kg+ lost, your clothes are really falling off for the first time EVER, you have achieved SO MUCH and you do NOT ever want to go back!!
I had to keep reminding myself of this all week. Those negative thoughts are what has ruined it for me every time I have started trying to lose weight, although usually about a week or so in.
Late last week, I got weighed.
"What the F***??!!! Up 1.5kg in 1 day??!!" It was very hard to remind myself that your weight can increase but up to a couple of kilograms around the time of your period. I tried to ignore it and not let the negative thoughts get the better of me. I pushed on and within a couple of days was back where I should have been. Relief!!
I have been trying to go to the gym at least once a week and although I am fat and a little embarrassed, I really enjoy going! I have my own little circuit that I do over 45 minutes to an hour and over time I will try other equipment and incorporate new things. I start with 10 minutes on the treadmill, gradually increasing the speed and a little incline, I then do some chest pulldowns or other light weights, I try for 1000m on the rowing machine (going back later to try to reach another 1000m), 5 good hard minutes on the bike, back through the others again and then another 5 minutes or so on the treadmill to warm down. I then get changed and jump into the indoor pool and do another 30 minutes with some laps and other things.
I always find it funny that after so much expended energy I can still walk out of the gym feeling so good, like I am gliding on a cloud and I am ten feet tall.
I am really starting to try and push myself too (but not kill myself) - last week if I did 40 reps of that, today I will try to do 50, aww heck, I've got another 10 in me! Crap it's hurting, but almost there! 60!! Yay me! :) I feel even better when I have pushed myself to go further - even if I don't know if I can - and I get there.
When I was going to the gym before I fell pregnant with our daughter, I used to spend the next couple of days with such sore muscles! Now I don't, although I am certain I am working harder than I was then. Maybe I wasn't doing the exercises right before, maybe my body has better fuel going into it to handle it all... I dunno, I'll just go with it.
I have never been motivated to exercise. Even now, try to get me to go for a walk, I'll procrastinate for an hour and think about all the reasons why I don't want to, although when I eventually do go, I push myself and I feel good for doing it. But going to the gym, I don't hesitate, I get there (and I don't procrastinate about getting there either!) and I am in the zone, a machine. Hahahahahahaha! A very un-oiled, somewhat broken and rusty machine, but a machine nonetheless. I hope I can stay one step ahead of my mind and keep up the momentum. I love feeling good, this machine is slowly being repaired and I am pushing forward on my way to fixing it.
You have to take the good days with the bad even if it adds to the challenge of what you are trying to do. On good days I can smile at myself in the mirror and look at my body and see how far I have come, that pushes me to want to keep going and keep getting compliments. A Doctor that I haven't seen for a long while said to me the other day "You're looking good Amanda! I remember I used to think "She's a big girl" but you've slimmed down a lot, you're looking good!" Thank you!!! I think a shopping trip is in order as is cleaning out my wardrobe!
5 weeks left until my next goal date! Will I make it??!!
Last week was really hard for me, probably the worst I have had since I started this journey. Coming up to "that time of the month" and I was just down on everything. I look horrible. I want to eat. This isn't working. Why do I bother. I will just always be this fat, ugly and horrible.
STOP.
Think about what you have achieved so far, 14kg+ lost, your clothes are really falling off for the first time EVER, you have achieved SO MUCH and you do NOT ever want to go back!!
I had to keep reminding myself of this all week. Those negative thoughts are what has ruined it for me every time I have started trying to lose weight, although usually about a week or so in.
Late last week, I got weighed.
"What the F***??!!! Up 1.5kg in 1 day??!!" It was very hard to remind myself that your weight can increase but up to a couple of kilograms around the time of your period. I tried to ignore it and not let the negative thoughts get the better of me. I pushed on and within a couple of days was back where I should have been. Relief!!
I have been trying to go to the gym at least once a week and although I am fat and a little embarrassed, I really enjoy going! I have my own little circuit that I do over 45 minutes to an hour and over time I will try other equipment and incorporate new things. I start with 10 minutes on the treadmill, gradually increasing the speed and a little incline, I then do some chest pulldowns or other light weights, I try for 1000m on the rowing machine (going back later to try to reach another 1000m), 5 good hard minutes on the bike, back through the others again and then another 5 minutes or so on the treadmill to warm down. I then get changed and jump into the indoor pool and do another 30 minutes with some laps and other things.
I always find it funny that after so much expended energy I can still walk out of the gym feeling so good, like I am gliding on a cloud and I am ten feet tall.
I am really starting to try and push myself too (but not kill myself) - last week if I did 40 reps of that, today I will try to do 50, aww heck, I've got another 10 in me! Crap it's hurting, but almost there! 60!! Yay me! :) I feel even better when I have pushed myself to go further - even if I don't know if I can - and I get there.
When I was going to the gym before I fell pregnant with our daughter, I used to spend the next couple of days with such sore muscles! Now I don't, although I am certain I am working harder than I was then. Maybe I wasn't doing the exercises right before, maybe my body has better fuel going into it to handle it all... I dunno, I'll just go with it.
I have never been motivated to exercise. Even now, try to get me to go for a walk, I'll procrastinate for an hour and think about all the reasons why I don't want to, although when I eventually do go, I push myself and I feel good for doing it. But going to the gym, I don't hesitate, I get there (and I don't procrastinate about getting there either!) and I am in the zone, a machine. Hahahahahahaha! A very un-oiled, somewhat broken and rusty machine, but a machine nonetheless. I hope I can stay one step ahead of my mind and keep up the momentum. I love feeling good, this machine is slowly being repaired and I am pushing forward on my way to fixing it.
You have to take the good days with the bad even if it adds to the challenge of what you are trying to do. On good days I can smile at myself in the mirror and look at my body and see how far I have come, that pushes me to want to keep going and keep getting compliments. A Doctor that I haven't seen for a long while said to me the other day "You're looking good Amanda! I remember I used to think "She's a big girl" but you've slimmed down a lot, you're looking good!" Thank you!!! I think a shopping trip is in order as is cleaning out my wardrobe!
5 weeks left until my next goal date! Will I make it??!!
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